It is often touted that youth is wasted on the young. And as I grow (ahem) wiser I am finding myself more and more intrigued with women who hide themselves from the world, rather than sharing their precious gifts and journeys with the world.

I recently photographed Kathi whose life at 48 life was shattered after she suffered 9 seizures per hour over 12 hours, and as a result she was left feeling in her own words “useless and worthless”.

She was left frustrated that she could not recover to her previous capacity, and soon found herself in a depressed state. “I didn’t like being negative, it hurt, it made me unhappy and I went round and round. I was clinically depressed but didn’t know it at the time”.

It was lying on her couch, night after night, stuffing down her emotions with chocolate that Kathi decided she wanted to choose another way. It is interesting to me to note here that although Kathi’s depression after her accident was the catalyst for change, Kathi’s sojourn into weight gain and self neglect had been conditioning for years. “Since my divorce I ate my emotions to hide from the world and become invisible. I didn’t even know who I was. My identity was in other things, in my children, in my work, in being needed.”

“Once my kids got their own lives, I felt invisible to them. Also because I was very overweight I was invisible to the world because I wasn’t pretty, I wanted to just be at home and be quiet.” Kathi reached a point where she was left questioning, “Over 50, what use do you have to the world?”

Making the choice to work through the hurt, and as she said get off the “Pity Potty” Kathi shared with me, “I wanted to find me, who I was and what my beliefs were, I wanted something for me so badly because I had given so much to my kids for the last 20 years, so I made the choice to continue with work on myself”

Kathi decided to take on MAB 10 week challenge and when she called to me in May, just 6 months after she started had lost a staggering 38 kgs. I could tell from her initial call, that putting herself out there like this was an enormous deal. To be seen, to feel beautiful & celebrated was not something Kathi was accustomed to, although deep down inside she was yearning for it. “I felt really empowered, I walked through the fear and it didn’t hurt. I was on a high at the end”

Kathi’s reaction on seeing the photos, was so profound for me, there was silent sobbing for about 10 minutes, as I just kept reassuring her that yes that was her on the wall. “To walk in and see all those photos of myself… I knew it was me, but it didn’t look like me. They were all beautiful. My whole body was curling up on the inside, saying to myself no this is not me. I was shaking and couldn’t speak.”

This journey to self love for Kathi is still a work in progress, as she focuses on more than 50 years of unconditioning, but will use the beautiful images to eep her on track. “I am going to put those photos up my wall so I can look at myself and look at the journey I have made, and to encourage what others see in me, to continually grow,” she says.

And here are my favs from the shoot…